…is that I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing. And I mean that to be as all-encompassing as it can be: life, love, career, religion, finances… I struggle even to decide what hangers to use in my closet. (Seriously, I went through three different styles before I settled on what I now have. And I’m still not in love with them.) I’m on the cusp of 30, and I simply don’t know what I’m doing with myself.

I fill my days with empty activities that don’t bring me any real satisfaction. I date…but so rarely do I meet a guy that I’d like to see twice. I’m bored with my job, and even though I know that higher education would help, I can’t quite bring myself to go back to school just yet. (I mean, I feel like I just graduated for chrissake.) I go to church on Sundays, and even teach a Sunday school class – but I can’t buy in to all the Mormon Culture bullshit enough to consider myself “practicing”. I make plenty of money, yet maintain a sizable credit card balance, despite the fact that (according to my older sister) I’m “perpetually on vacation”. In short: I’m a hot fucking mess, and I’m bored with everything.

The thing is, I don’t really have any excuses for being such a mess. There are tons of things that I’m interested in, and I’m good at just about everything I do (or try once.) I have a great personality: a knack for making people feel comfortable in my presence, and an enviable sense of humor. I’m also pretty damn cute – albeit a good 80lbs overweight. (But hey – no guy has EVER complained about my DD’s, or my thick thighs, or my firm, round ass.) I was raised in a stable, not-overbearingly-religious home, so I don’t have any sob stories about not being loved as a child or anything even half as tragic.

And I’m really. fucking. smart.

…it just happens to be coupled with really. fucking. lazy.

So. What am I doing with my life? Who the hell knows, because I sure don’t. Today, though… I’ll probably pop over to Dunkin’ Donuts for an iced caramel coconut coffee, and lay by the pool listening to One Direction (ahem, guilty pleasure) for a few hours before I pull my shift at the restaurant this evening. (I know that it’s the end of the summer, and it’s expected that my tan will fade….but I’m holding on as long as I can.) …did i mention my affinity for empty activities?